Twenty for Two
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: It's not like Paul hates having conversations with Steph. It's just that, at the moment, it's kinda getting in the way of some very important things. Or at least one. - One-shot, set before Steph' '14 Summer Slam match.


"Do you ever think that you're making a really bad decision? Or at least a rash one that you didn't put enough thought into and if you'd just stopped, even for a second, to think about it, you would have backed out of it or never agreed to it in the first place?"

"I told you," Paul grumbled in response to his wife's question, "that it wasn't my fault. I agreed to let them paint my nails before knowing I'd have a meeting to go into today. And I'm not even embarrassed about it. At all. Seriously. Not one bit. So-"

"I'm not talking about you, Mr. Ego."

"Oh." Glancing over from where he was standing before the toilet, taking a piss, he said, "You were talking about yourself. Mrs. Ego."

"And you didn't say that you were going to pee in front of me. I wouldn't have let you in here if you said that's what you were doing. You said you were showering. Not peeing." Stephanie was very busy, over at the sink, taking off her makeup while making vague conversation topics, it seemed. As well as discussed herself because she's just as egotistical as him, whether she wanted to admit it or not. "That's gross."

"I do it all the time."

"I know. And I tell you that it's gross all the time."

"I had to pee."

"We have other bathrooms."

"There was no time," he complained. "What did you want me to do? Piss myself?"

"Try be an adult and don't let it get to the point and have that occur?"

"I'm old, Stephie."

"Old men have trouble peeing." She would have rolled her eyes, was she looking over at him. "Not suddenly just having to go right that moment."

"All this pee talk has effectively killed that sex vibe we had going."

"When was that?"

"Uh, when I walked into the bathroom and immediately dropped my pants."

"To pee."

"I dunno if you know this, Steph, but dropping your pants all the way to the ground is something most guys usually out grow."

"You still were going to pee, vibe or not."

"But if you didn't mention it-"

"It's not a tree in an empty forest, Paul."

"I wanna fuck you in an empty forest."

She made a face over at him then, but it was fine, as he had turned his focus onto turning the shower on. "Just saying perverted things isn't going to bring your imaginary vibe back."

"You never know unless you try."

"But, in this case, you do. Because it has never worked. In our long history of being together."

"It used to," he grumbled as he tugged his shirt off as well. "Just hearing me talk got your panties all wet."

"Pity isn't gonna work either."

"Have you looked at me? Literally ever? Do I look like I have to settle for pity sex?"

Her makeup was finished with then and, as Steph moved on to brushing her teeth, she only said, "Considering your lead in seemed to have a lot to do with pee-"

"You're the one that kept bring it up! I was trying to slyly take a leak and then, you know, some shower time." The water was warm then, but he still stood there, naked, just to speak with her. "And, again I say, look at me. For what reason, Stephie, would I ever need a lead in to begin with?"

"See, you're slowly eating away at your chances tonight," she tsked, making a face at him in the mirror, toothbrush dangling from one hand. "You keep mentioning other women and-"

"What other women? Me? That's not what I said."

"It's what you implied."

"I did not. And chances, you said?"

"That's what I said."

"How do I...increase these chances?"

"According to you, by just existing."

"And sculpturing my body to deliberate perfection."

Snorting, Steph said before getting back to her teeth, "Some things can't be sculptured though."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

But she made the motions of being unable to answer, what with her (intended) toothpaste filled mouth. He'd given up on their conversation then and was actually already in the shower when his wife called out to him on her way out of the bathroom.

"If you're all clean for bed," he heard over the sound of the shower, "maybe I'll think about dirtying you up."

"You're such a nerd," he grumbled back though he was scrubbing a bit harder then, at his chest, as if she would truly make a pass or fail inspection. "Steph."

When he got out into the bedroom, Steph was still up, of course, sitting with her legs crossed on the bed, messing around on her laptop from the looks of it.

"Not that you don't look sexy, babe, you know, in your little baggy sweatshirt and short shorts and glasses and… But can you just go ahead and get naked?"

"You're so annoy- Gross." Steph finally glanced up though it seemed only to frown. Standing at the end of the bed, Paul frowned right back.

"What?"

"You know what."

"Obviously not."

"Why are you naked?"

"Uh, I just got out of the shower."

"And didn't put anything on because-"

"Because we're gonna fuck. I mean, you weren't seriously going to inspect me, where you?"

"We're gonna talk first." She went back to her laptop then. "Genius."

"What are you talking about?"

"This whole thing started because I was trying to have a conversation with you? Remember? Before you went on your pee tirade-"

"It wasn't a tirade. I wasn't defending my pee talk. I was just talking about it in general."

"Paul-"

"We can talk later." Crawling into bed with her then, he added, "After."

"No," Steph complained as he only shut her laptop for her and moved to set it on the floor, having to lean over her to do so (and secretly hoping this was as enticing as he meant it to be; it wasn't). "You always do this."

"What?"

"You tell me that we'll talk after and then, when it's time to, you're all, 'Oh, baby, I'm so tired. In the morning, huh?' Or you go, 'Let me just get up and clean off a bit. Then check on the girls one last time. I gotta let the dog out too. Then we can talk. I promise, baby.' Then you never come back."

"What do you mean I don't come back?"

"Paul."

"What?"

She was making a face at him as he'd fallen to his side, staring up at her. "You go and sit in your office or hang around in the living room until I fall asleep so that we don't have to talk and just hope I'm too busy in the morning to bring it up."

"Never's happened to my recollection."

"Paul-"

"Never," he repeated, "has happened. Now c'mere. I got somethin' for ya."

She shoved him away when he tried to pull her down. "We're talking."

"'bout what?" He wasn't as jolly then. "Steph?'

"I asked you, in the bathroom, if-"

"No riddles."

"It's not a riddle. It's a question."

"Get straight to the point."

"It's a lead in."

"I'm more into getting to the heart of the problem."

"Since when?" she asked with a frown. "Paul?"

"Since always."

"You literally go out and cut promos for longer than most our matches on the show."

"That's Hunter. Me? I just put up with all your blabbering. Don't enjoy it. Never have."

"This is all so sudden."

"I gave it a decade," he said with a bit of a shrug. "To see if you'd get better. You haven't. So I'm just gonna bring it straight up to ya now. Along with anything else I've been holding in."

Stephanie was still sitting up beside him, a frown on her face as she stared down at the man. "What other problems have you been holding in exactly? Paul?"

"Right now?" He was holding back his laughter to counter her vexation. "Why don't you reach under the covers and find out?"

Her eye roll was huge, but even in the dark he could see that she was grinning. "We're talking first, I told you."

"Babe, it's just not fair," he griped as he reached out to pull her down with him. "I gotta listen to you complain at me about whatever it is that I've done for twenty minutes for, at most, five minutes of what I want. How is that equal?"

"Well, considering you're the reason it's only three minutes-"

"Five," he grumbled. "I said five."

"I know."

For a moment or two, they both just laid there. He shifted around, to rest his head against the side of hers while Stephanie seemed mad, over his teasing. Which was all it was. Teasing. He was planning to listen to her.

It wasn't like she was gonna let him fall asleep without it.

"What did I do, baby?" he asked softly eventually, after they rested there for awhile. "That I'm supposed to regret?"

"I told you it wasn't about you," she grumbled though she did reach down to grab the hand he had rested across her stomach, pulling it up to stare at. "And it certainly wasn't this superb nail job you have going."

Glancing at his nails himself, he wiggled his fingers a bit. "I think Murph is getting pretty great at this nail gig. Look at this. Two coated perfection. A color for each nail. I even got to pick them."

"Why is your left pinky colored in with marker though?" she asked as she stroked a finger across it. "Instead of painted?"

"Because Vaughn isn't allowed to play with Murphy's nail polish. And is it fair to not let her color one of my nails, at least?"

"And you went into your meeting like this?"

"I'm not taking this off for at least a day. Think of the blood, sweat, and tears that went into this, babe."

"You're lucky Daddy didn't see you."

"I consider myself lucky of that regardless of how my nails look."

Turning her head to stare at him, she said, "I was expecting some sort of reference to how, you know, you were my daddy or something."

"Oh, no, baby, I'm saving all those up for after we have this little conversation."

That was accompanied with an eyebrow wag, but Steph seemed unimpressed as, following it, she said, "Just how many can you make in two minutes though?"

"You said four before."

"I know what I said."

Humming, Paul thought for a moment before asking softly, "Is this about me turning off my phone on you the other day, instead of it accidentally dying?" Steph's eyes, in the light, would have told him that she had no idea what he was talking about, but in the darkness, he saw them only as accusatory. "I wasn't doing anything. I mean, hell, Steph, the girls were here. I just wanted a nap. A serious nap without any interruptions. And you hardly ever answer your phone when you're home, so how can you say I made a bad decision when-"

"I have no idea when you're talking about and the more you do, the more suspicious you sound-"

"Would I be trying so hard to get into your pants if I had been doing something with some woman?"

"Deeper. You keep digging yourself deeper."

"Hmmm." She'd let go of his hand, to let it fall to her stomach once more and, tapping his fingers against it, he said, "Maybe I just let you tell me what's wrong."

"Maybe."

"I have to answer your question first, right?"

"I mean, I feel like you more than have and the answer was yes."

"So-"

"Your apparent ignorance of me and infidelity aside-"

"At best, I got a supbar nap that was interrupted by your dog and oldest daughter coming to wake me up to take them to the park. Even though they have a nanny for that."

"Even though."

"But I mean, if you're jealous of that-"

"I'm worried that I'm not ready to get into the ring again and that I'm going to embarrass myself and that I'm going to look stupid and that everything we've been doing recently has been stupid and that I look fat in what I'm wearing out there and I wasn't ever even good at wrestling and Shane's not doing so well in China, so he's going to come back and what if Vince just takes everything away from me and what if he should because-"

"And what you've been holding in, apparently, is way more than just me thinking you talk to me."

"Paul-"

"Hush." He was shifting then to sit up a bit and tug her closer to him. "Take a breath. Shit, Steph. What the fuck, baby?"

Curling into him, she whispered, "I meant to put it together better than that."

"I'd imagine."

"I'm mostly just concerned about Summer Slam, I guess."

"Well, I mean, now that you told me all that," he sighed, "I can't just ignore it, but we can start there, sure."

"I know that it's, like, too late to do anything about it."

"Summer Slam's in two weeks, so yeah, it kinda is, sure. But baby, if you're not…" He let out a breath then before bowing his head to rest it against the top of hers. "How come you think that you're not ready?"

"I dunno."

"You've been training all summer for it."

"I know."

"And it's not like you're in there with a rookie or anything."

"I know."

"She'll carry you through the match if she has to."

"Okay, well that's a rude thing to say, but-"

"You're the one saying you're no good."

"Paul-"

"And I think you hot in anything, baby," he added with a grin. "I mean, I've only been tryin' to show ya for the past half hour-"

"It's not about what you think."

"Now who's rude?'

"It's about what I feel," she explained. "It's different, looking nice for you, and looking okay out in the ring."

"You go out there all the time and-"

"Not in tight fitting ring attire."

"I think you look sexy."

"I just told you that it doesn't-"

"How do I make you feel better then?" he asked. "Stephanie?"

They were both resting on their sides and, running a hand down his bare chest, she whispered, "I dunno. If I knew, I'd do it on my own."

"I think it'll just be one of those things, Steph, that you won't feel good about until it's over with," he told her with a bit of a shrug. "I mean, these are just nerves."

"I get nervous, Paul. I know what that is. This isn't nerves. I just feel like I made a horrible mistake. And I'm going to look stupid."

"See, you keep saying that," he remarked as one of his hands came to pat at her cheek, "but baby, you always seem to like looking...I dunno. Goofy."

"Excuse me?" That brought the anger back to her voice. "Paul?"

"I meant you like acting goofy. And how is wrestling any more embarrassing than any of the other shit we've done recently?"

"It's not, but-"

"You're just in your head. About nothing. You can fight. You know moves. You know holds." Shifting back away from her a bit, he held up a clenched fist. "Me and you can stand up right now and wrestle a bit. I mean, if you're willing to strip down as well."

"You cannot be serious." It was a good thing he'd moved back because she was about ready to shove him. "Are you?"

"No. I mean, yeah, if you wanted to do that, then yes. Or even just go down to the basement and actually practice some shit, I mean, it's late and I wanna go to bed, but I could put you in a choke hold and knock you out, if that's what you want."

"It's not about not knowing things. It's about...I don't know."

"You know what I think, baby?" Paul took to shoving her around then, none too gently, but then, he hardly ever was with anyone other than his daughters. Steph played along, already expecting it as he forced her onto her back. Instead of getting over her though, Paul only laid on his side, hand stroking gently at her cheek as he stared down at the woman. "I think that the second half of what you said has you way more worried than the first half. I think that you're using Summer Slam as a scapegoat. Do you really feel like if Shane showed up tomorrow, the product has been shit enough that Vince would take our jobs away from us and give them to him?"

She was silent for a second. "I mean, it doesn't work that way exactly with contracts and the board and-"

"Stephanie."

"I dunno."

"You do know. You know that that's bullshit. The product isn't all on you. It's on the company as a whole. And a lot of it's on Vince as well. If you're saying that you think Shane could step in tomorrow and be better than you, forget about it. He'd probably be in just as stupid a match as you too. And don't tell him I said this, because I've already told him a bunch and it'd just be overkill, but you could wrestle circles around your brother."

"Shut up."

"You're the McMahon with the most in ring skills."

"You so full of it."

"So? I'm fucking Triple H. I'll say whatever the fuck I want. If I wanna say you're the best female wrestler in the company, I could say it." Then he paused. "I mean, I don't and you're not, but if I wanted to-"

"You're the least helpful husband in the world."

"If least and helpful can are synonyms for best all time, sure, yeah, I certainly am."

"Everything I thought about myself, I still think."

"But you feel better, don't you?"

"I mean-"

"Are these nails perfect, Steph?"

"What?"

He held up one of his hands, turning them towards her face. "Do they?"

"Of course not. But-"

"But I tell Murphy that? No."

Frowning up at him, Stephanie said, "If you're trying to make some sort of euphemism between that and me being worried about what Vince will think about Summer Slam-"

"Ha! As if. I don't even know what a euphemism is."

"-then that's stupid because I'm not six years old and this isn't something as stupid as nails. This our company. And this is a very pushed match. If I go out there and flop-"

"Will Vince pretend like you did go? No. But you're still his kid." Shrugging a bit, Paul said, "I mean, the older Murph gets, the less I will put up with such shoddy streaking. I mean, look at this; this line right down the middle here. What is that? I don't know. Because I don't know nails. But I know it shouldn't be there. And the customer is always right, so when I asked for a sticker on each nail, she shouldn't have told me that no, I couldn't have them, because I always took them off. Why does that matter? How do you expect to get tipped when-"

"Paul."

"I just mean that, yeah, if she ever really got serious about nails, she'd have to improve, but even if she did do the shitty job and was still super stingy with her stickers, which I buy, by the way, I'd still encourage her. I might not tell her how great they look and how much I love them. I might even have to give her some of my critiques. But I'd still tell her to do what she wants. And you wanna go out in that ring, don't ya, Steph?"

"I just don't want to fail."

"But you still want to try. You just don't want the bad associated with it." His thumb stilled and he looked her straight in the eyes as he said, "Well tough shit."

Steph blinked. Paul only continued to stare.

"You don't get to try only what will have good outcomes. Then you're not trying at all! And you know that. It's not like you be like this. How long have you been holding all this in? You usually tell me everything." Then he made a face. "Every. Little. Thing."

"Sound more miserable."

"Am I not laying awake with you, Steph, listening to your problems?" His hand left her cheek so that he could poke her in the nose. "I can be miserable at certain intervals if I want."

"Is that all you have to do to make me feel better? Listen to me?"

"Mostly. And seem attentive. Give you bullshit answers. Lead you through whatever it is that's bugging you. Reap the benefits of it. Go through it all again in a few weeks when you start bugging about something else."

"You speak of me so lovingly. It's no wonder I have low self-esteem."

"Is that what this is?" Paul leaned down to nuzzle his head against his wife's. "Huh"

"I'm joking."

"You better be. I dunno what's worse; you being all bothered about your stupid family or you honestly worrying about that not looking good shit." Kissing at her ear then, he whispered, "'cause I hate when you get like that. You're so beautiful, baby. And I know it's a mental thing, but hell, Steph, just get out of your own head, huh?"

"I said it was a joke."

"Mmmm." He left his head against hers then and gently whispered, "If you wanna see fat, baby, let me get out my phone, huh? Pull up some photos of some really fat women."

Making a face, Steph asked, "Why do you have photos of heavy women on your phone?"

"I have to have something to look at while I pretend to nap." Still, grinning, he added, "I meant look 'em up, Steph. On the internet."

"I mean, what would you type in to find something like that."

"I dunno. Fat women. On Google. Google fat women."

"Don't say fat."

"You said fat."

"When I was talking about myself."

"Well, you're not fat."

"No one is fat."

"No one's fat. No one's ugly. No one's stupid."

"Thank you. I'm glad you agree."

Making a face, he said, "Fine. You search women who might be slightly bigger than other women on Google."

"Who Googles random stuff like that?"

"You don't?" Making a face, he said, "You're never sitting around, bored, and just type in 'Dog eats like human' or 'Man falls into cactus plants' or 'Roller coaster that looks like a tiger'."

"Paul, what the fuck?"

"Don't you curse at me. It's normal."

"Tell me more."

"'Car skidding on ice while on fire'. 'People literally slipping on banana peels'. 'Nachos that are colored like a rainbow'."

"Why did I ever let you get on the internet?"

"Best decision ever."

"You sound terrible at it."

"At internetting? I'm a master. And in such a short time."

"How often are you even bored?"

"Well, I'm pretty bored with this conversation, but-"

"You're such an ass."

"You'll be fine in the ring, Steph." His hand fell to pat her stomach. "And you're gonna feel great out there. You'll look great. Slam's gonna be great. Vince will be happy. And Shane can get fucked."

"Paul."

"You can't tell me that things don't work out better for McMahons who get fucked by me," he pointed out. "Can you?"

"I mean… Are you wanting too have sex with my brother or-"

"Baby, I just know I was promised at least two minuets for twenty and I've more than fulfilled my portion of things."

"Such," she sighed again, "an ass."

"I'm just kidding."

"No, you're not."

"I can be. If you're not into it. Not into me."

Shutting her eyes, Steph yawned, "I'm always into you."

"But I'm not going to be into you tonight? Am I?"

"Just pull up some of those women on your phone."

"The not as thin as some other women might be women?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Just get off in bed, right here next to you, without- Hey, what are you doing?"

In actuality, tugging off her shorts, but instead, she only sighed, "Shutting you up."

Snickering, he moved to help her "This is one way to go about it."

Stephanie only shoved him away though, saying, "Go lock the door."

"Lock the- You didn't even do that yet? You really didn't really plan on any of this, did you?" he grumbled as he got up to do as she'd ordered. "Stephie, you liar."

"Don't call your wife a liar. That's a sure fire way to put an end to this."

"I'll just go back to my slightly bigger than other women might be on my phone. They don't care what I call them." More snickers. Then a groan as he fell back into bed, Steph immediately pulling him over for a kiss. "Of course, they're also just images on a phone."

He laughed at himself, but he always found himself funny and even though Stephanie didn't, she did press another kiss to his cheek.

"I think you're just delirious," she remarked, pressing a hand against his chest as he shifted to get over her. "Or suddenly into fat women. One or the other."

"I thought," he complained softly as his head fell to rest against hers, "that we couldn't call people fat? Steph?"

"I can when they're trying to move in on my man."

His face brightened and, behind a wide grin, he laughed deeply. "Baby, I love you."

Softly, she whispered back, "I love you too."

"And you'll be fine in Summer Slam. I know you'll keep stressing, but just remember, I have to be by this point only the greatest wrestler to ever step foot in any ring ever."

Steph blinked. "Oh no, you are delirious."

"If I say you're good, you're good."

"And there's no way that you're blinded by the fact that I'm about to sleep with you?"

"Our old elaborate, nice hotel, leave my back bloody and your nails rough stuff? Maybe. But this single minute that's coming up-"

"We better hurry up before we limit ourselves down to thirty seconds."

"Next smallest interval."

"Smallest is operative here."

"Hey now," he grumbled deeply while Steph only giggled. "I can joke about some things, but others cut me deep here, baby."

"You stall enough, babe. Any specific reason?"

Head falling into the crook of her neck then, he only whispered, "Just to get you ready, baby."

"For the best fifteen seconds of my life?"

"Other than the fifteen it'll take you to feint out in the ring-"

"Paul."

"Best ever," he muttered. "Best ever."

* * *

 **This was a request to do Steph's Summer Slam '14 match, but I wasn't watching at the time it happened (I quit after Edge retired and I think that was two years before that) and when I first got the request, I planned to watch it and some of the lead up stuff, but I just never did and don't really care to. Not too big on the Bellas and they were, obviously, a big part of all that, so it's just not gonna happen.**

 **But I bet Steph was pretty nervous about getting into the ring again and I just needed to start knocking out these requests, so here's this one.**


End file.
